The "I's" have it - Inspiration, Intimidation, and maybe even a little Insecurity

Wow – in the short time since I’ve started this blog my readership has grown. I’ve invited a few people to read and posted the link on a social networking site. It’s amazing to me how many people will read this blog and email me to comment as opposed to commenting directly on the blog. Don’t get me wrong - I love the love in any form. I write this blog because I enjoy writing and there is so much about which I want to write. It’s an incredibly therapeutic process and a creative outlet. I don’t write for the comments, but rather for my original statement of purpose outlined in my first post.

However, knowing that you now have an audience can be a bit intimidating. I don’t want to edit what I write based on my audience. I wonder if that’s inevitable, though? Part of me wishes that I had remained completely anonymous. I could write whatever I wanted and not worry about whom I may offend or what someone may think. Yet somehow I crave the acknowledgement of an audience. Wow, saying (writing) that out loud surprises me. It’s a day of personal insight, I guess.

My foray into the blog world started with reading a few friends’ blogs. I think the first person I knew that had a blog was Mikal. His blog is http://www.belicove.com/. It is funny, thought-provoking, and at times controversial. Lately, he steadfastly posts Four for Friday questions, which are still funny, thought-provoking, and at times controversial, but his blog seems to have condensed to just that topic.

Then over the course of several years I met a couple other people that had blogs. I thought it was interesting, if a bit quirky and self-absorbed, to have a blog. Still, I was inspired. Putting it all out there like that just wasn’t me. I wished that it was, but it wasn’t. I didn’t feel like I had that much worth saying. Or, more correctly, worth reading.

My most recent blog inspiration came when I happened upon a blog after googling SMO’s. SMO’s are the type of orthotics that Kaia started wearing in October. A blog written by a mom of a child with special needs popped up. She had written an entry specifically about her son’s SMO’s. I was fascinated reading the post archives of her blog. She had faced so many challenges and experiences similar to ours. I was amazed by just how much I could’ve written of it. I was so inspired by her stories and by her candor that I finally had to make the leap and share our story. I only hope that I can give the sense of connection and inspiration to another reader that she gave me. Her blog is http://www.specialconsiderations.blogspot.com/. If you visit you’ll notice a striking similarity in how our blogs look. I’m afraid that’s my doing. Inadvertently I chose the same blogger template. I hope she’s not offended. They do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

Then there are the blogs that intimidate me. I don’t mean that in a negative way. With the utmost reverence I read these blogs. Their authors can write. Holy cow, these people can write. They are funny, honest, fresh, and within a post can bring you to tears. There is a cadence, a natural rhythm to their writing that defies language. I aspire to write like that. A few of my blogs of intimidation include http://www.teahouseblossom.blogspot.com/, http://signsoffaithbook.com/, and http://www.stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com/. I don’t always agree with the authors on philosophical or religious views but I always appreciate reading their take on it. Reading their blogs sometimes makes me wonder if I have any business publishing my stories in cyberspace.

I guess I can’t promise to always be as entertaining or emotionally moving as the authors of my blogs of intimidation. But I do vow to remain true to my original purpose: “to document my daughter, Kaia’s amazing progress, to a few ends. One is selfish, to keep a journal of sorts of her early years; another is to communicate in an efficient manner all that is new in her world to those family and friends who are interested; and the last is to provide support and encouragement to, and to connect with, other families with kids with special needs.”

I invite all readers to comment. If you dare, comment publicly, using your real name, or even just your screen name. Honesty about who we are and accountability for our words is a powerful force. It’s one that I am embracing.